The One Night Stand Dress

I am yet to know a girl who doesn't own that one article of clothing she bought with a gleam in her eyes but ended up wearing just once. Now keeping aside the size or uncomfortable, impractical fabric issues, what is in play here? Why separate so soon? Can't we try just one more time to get to know each other? What prompts boredom of this magnitude?

I never even thought about this till it happened to me. This red dress right here that you see in this blog post is something I wore just once. No idea why? Was it the red? No? Was it the cut? No. Was it uncomfortable? A resounding no! I guess I just felt like I was someone else.

My sister has happily taken this dress. But even today, I wonder if I am too fickle. Why grow out of something so fast? Guess I will never know. The one thing I know is that it was good while it lasted. Hence the happy pictures.

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To Go Out Or Not

If I had an ice-cream for every time I have said no to going out, I would be sleeping in an ice-cream parlour, creating my own flavours in the morning, and writing odes on muffin tops and thunder thighs in the evening. And now that going out seems like a complicated chore, I cannot help but wish I could go back and go out.  

Besides the usual changes, I feel closed as well. How do I put this? Well, something as trivial as asking for directions is a task now. The last time I wanted to ask a lady working at a store if she could hand me a blouse in a smaller size, I felt a lump in my throat. For a good one minute. Something had changed. A friend of mine concurs. She feels anxious everywhere now, at parks, grocery stores, cafes. Social interaction has never been more challenging.

The only things that still feel sort of normal are online deliveries and Google Meets. The former, where we meet the delivery guy for less than a minute, both masked, reluctant to even look at each other, is something that has been a constant for almost a year now. We have gotten used to it. And as far as the latter is concerned, there seems to be a feeling of safety in knowing that people are on a screen, not sharing the same space.

All this seems subtle at the moment. Most of us are not really hurling insults or locking ourselves in a dark room after all. But this slight reluctance to talk to fellow humans might just be the beginning of a problem that is much deeper, read tendency to prolong the confinement tomorrow when we may no longer need it. So what can we do to make sure we are not stuck in a limbo forever? I can think of sending long e-mails, having deep conversations with at least one person this year, taking a deep breath, asking our questions to people despite the anxiety.

But what I feel is the most important thing at the moment is to accept that we are becoming less social, reading people less accurately, have started finding comfort in solitude. I would start with this acceptance first. The acceptance that there is a problem, not bigger than the pandemic, but big enough to affect our mental health in the long run.

And whether to go out or not, it's now something that should be up for a discussion. What shouldn't be up for a discussion is that once we go out, we should probably talk, fight that urge to move to a different lane once we see someone we know. 
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Old World

Riding on bouts of happiness

Singing all along

Waiting for the train to pass by

Hoping to find you on the way

Lying on rooftop dreaming

Hearing you talking to a friend

Feeling the world pause

Getting the heartbeat back

Never uttering a word

Staring at strange faces

Holding the old heart

Living in an old world

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Racing Car

Of late, whenever I decide to write about something, my mind drifts like an anxious dog spinning in circles, then taking a break only to jump up and down over nothing. Absolutely nothing. Writing needs a controlled mind, and nothing seems to be in control in the midst of these uncertain times we are living in.

Who am I kidding? Pandemic or no pandemic, this head has always been like this. The other day I was reading that meditation is especially difficult for a lot of Geminis because their mind is always speeding like a racing car. You bet! I fall asleep exactly after five minutes of meditating.

On a serious note, I am in the middle of a lot of things. Life is 1@**d3kdhb... No matter how much I try, no good, put-together piece is going to come out today. No beautiful imperfection or haute mess. I should just stop typing now...

See you later. Hope everyone who reads this blog is doing okay. If you want to rant, the comment section is all yours. Sorry for wasting your time. Will come up with a better post next month. 

Missing this day on the beach though....

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Zero Talent Days

Is writer's block a real thing? I very much think so. I am not talking about that occasional blank screen or that once in a while mediocrity that makes the words that you type look like a bunch of hybrid plants that no one wants. I am talking about the vacuum that doesn't let even a simple 300 words write-up happen...at times for as long as a week.

I have googled ways to overcome this. But somehow nothing seems to be the perfect cure.

Take a walk

Here is the thing. I walk for at least half an hour everyday. So when I decide to take a creative walk, my system fails to see the novelty. I am full of purpose when I walk, but at the end of it, nope. Nothing.

Eliminate distractions

Since I have this interesting ability to look at things and think nothing, for hours, (remember those scary girlfriend videos of early 2000? Same expression.) I don't really know of distractions. And when i have a distraction - like a real, walking chocolate cake that I see only once in a while - then I put down my pen. Simple!

Play a game

I suck at playing games. I don't understand half of those walking, creepy looking things on screens of all kinds. No, I don't mean to say I don't like them. I mean it literally. i don't understand them. It's like Monica telling Joey about commitment and he keeps saying "Not following".

I am sure if I was a little more flexible and had a little more IQ, I would have done better. Will try the next three ways in the next three months. You guys have a great weekend there.

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New Mornings

One of the things that impacted me in 2020 was the shutting down of my favorite blog, Manrepeller. For a while, I felt I had nothing to read. And there was no point in going through lame articles in the name of fashion and lifestyle. One of the best things about Manrepeller was that the articles were written in the first person. That made for a diary-like read. The blog also talked about our lives as they are, and how we manage to survive, despite all odds. However, since it's the new year, what I am missing the most about the blog is the lists that its writers threw at us, random lists of things one can do if one wanted to. These lists didn't preach or anything, they just were feel-good lists. So, today, I dare to come up with my own list that you may choose to go through just for the heck of it.

1. Aim to read for an hour without touching your mobile phone.

2. Try a coconut latte if you are a coconut person.

3. Be the first one in the morning to shop at a supermart, just for once, explore the less-crowded aisles.

4. Videocall someone and cook with them.

5. Call your parents and ask them about things they like.

6. Finish the Queen's Gambit in one weekend.

7. Make the first move, dial that number.

8. Say good morning to everyone you see this weekend before 11 am of course!

9. Make a list of friends you haven't called in some time. And call them.

10. Give compliments that are not about looks.

11. Go for a walk. 

12. Accept that you are the lead actor in your life story. No matter what happened to you. 

Disclaimer: It is just a list.
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Time to Kill

She laughed at those who didn't see it coming

Smiled at her little victories

Hid everything that gave away her away

Ran on the blood of her victims

She came at dark, dressed in black

Yeah she cast a spell on everyone

Made them stare at her luminousness

Left a trail of blood near the shack

She loved to see him go in for a kill

Pick the dagger, wash his bloodstained hands

Spray the perfumes from Arabia  

To mask the stinking after-smell  

And when he was a little hesitant

She struck the final strike

The witches sang in a far, far land

Two souls just died, two souls just died