To Feel Like Before

So last night, long before my bedtime, I sat in the dark for no particular reason. For a while, nothing happened. Trying to focus on the shadows cast by the palm tree outside my balcony, I held on to the stillness I felt. I realised I had the privilege of living in a quiet locality. 

For a while or so, I let myself visualise everything that came my mind's way. There were memories of me eating in my hostel, walking through the college campus, sitting near the rose bushes. Someone was playing an A.R. Rahman song somewhere. I then saw myself in a metro, laughing at lame jokes of my male friends because I wanted to fit in. I took a cab, I was waiting for someone, can't remember who. I ate a lot. 

I then realised that what I wanted the most was not my younger body or the good moments from the past. Or the safety net of the truth that I had years ahead of me to fix and unfix things. What I truly wanted was to feel like before. To be able to move in the world with my old heart beating in a way only I could sense. I wanted my own old feelings to lift me up and drop me at a place where I could just glide, hear all the songs in my head and not see past the beautiful haze of a sense of reality that I once had. 

Sometimes I wonder if others feel the same way? Do they also feel different as they grow old? 

Today, as I write about all this, I think of this bright, sunny day. I took a colleague to a place I had visited exactly a year earlier, just to see if everything felt the same, if the trees looked the same, if the houses carried the same feeling. They didn’t. But it was still a good day. We walked for hours, noticed small things, saw cherry blossoms, had good coffee and matcha, and took some nice pictures.

Cooking at Airbnbs

Who cooks on their holidays?

The question may have an obvious answer for most people. Who, in their right mind, would fly for hours, drag heavy luggage, spend at least an hour trying to find their Airbnb, and also make dinner? And even when you are not tired, why bother to cook? Isn't exploring local food a part of the reason why you are where you are?

Of course, I eat out every day when I travel. But I do try to cook once a day. Sometimes it is not even proper cooking; it's just a simple meal thrown together with local ingredients. It all started with the goal of saving money. Just one home-cooked meal every day for, say, a 15-day vacation, and you end up saving a decent amount of money. But money is just part of the reason. Allow me to explain.

So whenever I go to a new place, I have this urge to head to the local grocery chains. I feel almost a childlike excitement as I explore aisles of wafers, ice cream, cakes, noodles and whatnot in completely new flavours. And then there is the fresh produce, in all its glory. In this picture, I have blueberries, plant-based milk, and cereals (not the usual kinds). A no-brainer breakfast that allows you to sit down and plan your day. 

Sometimes, cooking at my Airbnb also allows me to enjoy a quiet day. No rush to go anywhere or book a table. I can explore the nearby area on foot, come back, read for hours, get up, fix a simple lunch like this rocket-and-tomato salad, and enjoy the view outside. 

And then there are evenings when the nearby restaurants are closed. The thought of taking a train to have dinner in the more crowded part of the city crosses my mind, but it feels like too much effort, given my health. So I put together a quick pasta with spaghetti, tomatoes and olives, all bought earlier from a local store. And I pour my water into a wine glass (I forgot to take the picture), because I am fancy like that. And then I sit down, with Lana Del Rey in the background, have a quiet meal, pretending that I live there.

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A Solid Dose of Nostalgia

So, flannel shirts are back. From Emily Ratajkowski to Jacob Elordi, celebrities seem to be going for this easy-to-style piece quite a lot lately.

For me, flannel shirts come with a solid dose of nostalgia. My first shirt was flannel—a blue and red checkered one that I wore with a black denim skirt. Since I had just one pair of shoes—a pair of light purple Keds—I barely looked at my feet, telling myself people around me didn’t care anyway.

Fast forward to today, and I think that outfit would work beautifully now. All I need is the resolve to find the exact items, down to the shoes. For these photos, I borrowed this Uniqlo piece from a friend. Okay, bye for now. Will come back with a new blog post next month.

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The Sandwich Method

There are days when style takes minimal effort. It almost happens to you—the perfect top, a satin skirt, a pair of sandals that you didn't even know existed in your wardrobe. Something like that. 

And then there are days when you are getting ready while answering a call and packing your lunch. For days like these, I match my bag with my sandals/shoes and let the harmony do its job. Some call it "the sandwich method", a lazy hack to look a little put together where you wear at least two things (the slices of bread) in one color. I add a touch of big hair, just for a little extra something

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Looking Back at 2016

2026 has started on a nostalgic note, thanks to the latest social media trend. Everyone is looking back at their 2016 pictures; there seems to be a collective sense of loss of simpler times. 

As I begin to think about 2016, I see myself as someone who, for the most part, is still sleepwalking through life. My flatmates and I often go to shopping malls. We roam around, and as the day ends, I come up with an excuse not to eat out. Was broke AF. My siblings visit me frequently, and for a few days, my life revolves around them. This is a picture we took after getting discounted haircuts at a local salon. My haircut isn't that visible here, but I guess this is the only picture I have from that day.

2016 is when Goa happens. Leaving that heaven of a place-after weeks of waking up to the sound of waves, running on sand, eating noodles almost every day, and watching the sun go down every evening-I feel homesick for the first time in my life. Here is a picture of me sitting at a sweet little spot, without a care in the world. 

I take a lot of pictures in 2016 using my DSLR. Proud of this one. This kid must be a young adult now. 

And while we are at it, how can I not share a picture of me in ripped jeans to commemorate the fashion of 2016?

Grateful for

 This view.

I  tend to plan a few things around the lunar calendar. Just to make everything look grander, dunk those views in some heavenly concoction of dreaminess and sublimity. And when you step out on these nights, or look out of your balcony, everything appears the same, yet different. It is one of those rare occasions when you want the electricity gone, just for a while. And in those moments, cities like Prague shine the brightest.

Being alive

Come what may, I continue to drag myself out of bed, work a bit, and enjoy a good walk. I am grateful for my health this year. Better than 2024. Took this photo at an Airbnb in Regensburg right after a night of intense pain. Walked for three hours, sat on a bench, read a new book and had an overpriced coffee that day. 

This human.

This sea of calm right here is the reason this year was kind of nice, at least in parts. So grateful.

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That Green Dress

I have a green linen dress for days when I don't want to spend hours deciding what to wear. I love the length - not too short, long but with a slit. When the air is a little crisp, a trench coat complements it beautifully. And on warmer days, it looks good just on its own. In fact, it looks even better. Will upload pictures of the dress without a coat/jacket in later posts.

Hope you all are having a great November.

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